Reflecting on Resilience: My Journey Through Depression

I always feel that it is important for me, as a spiritual person, to share with others that I am not always perfect. That I too have struggles that only make me stronger. This one of those stories I wanted to share.

Four years ago today, while I was living in Tampa, Florida, I woke up to the worst panic attack of my life. I remember getting up, shaking, numb, and unable to move. Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to comprehend what was happening to my body and mind. It felt like a switch had been flipped in my brain, sending my flight response into overdrive. This marked the beginning of the most terrifying and traumatic depressive episode I have ever experienced.

 I felt like I had forgotten how to do everything. I remember getting into my car, and everything around me seemed to grow larger and close in on me. I attempted to drive, but as I pulled out, it felt like I had forgotten how to operate the vehicle. I had to stop and go back inside. The following weeks were a blur of sleep and exhaustion, with constant dark thoughts fluttering through my mind. I could barely eat and felt like an empty shell.

 Thankfully, my primary care physician was amazing, and I found a psychiatrist who, even though I had to pay out of pocket, helped me get on the right medications. It took me a full six months to recover from that depressive episode. It felt like my brain had been damaged, and my neurons needed time to heal.
 
To this day, I gauge the severity of my depressive episodes against that experience in June 2020. While I’ve had other episodes since, nothing compares to that time. I remind myself of my strength and resilience, knowing that I never let the darkness consume me. I kept fighting and ultimately won, and I will always continue to fight and win.
 
Remembering the Struggle and Celebrating the Victory
Though I've had other episodes, nothing compares to the darkness I faced in June 2020. That time in my life serves as a benchmark for my resilience and strength. I remind myself daily that I never allowed that darkness to pull me under. I never allowed it to win. I kept fighting, and I won. And I will always win.
 
Finding Hope and Strength
If you are struggling with depression, remember that you are not alone. Seek help, reach out to professionals, and lean on your support network. It's a tough battle, but with determination and the right support, you can overcome it. Keep fighting, and know that you have the strength to win.